Funny Quotes

Last night I lay in  looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceilingbed

The only reason people get lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It’s just that yours is stupid.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people

Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.” 

The road to success is always under construction

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Everyone has photographic memory; some just don’t have the film

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